The relational space

“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.”

— Esther Perel

This week I fell into the work of Esther Perel following contemplation on this quote, which formed the theme for my women's circle with The Fifth Direction:

"I hold this to be the highest bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of another." - Rilke

It lead me to the question - were you raised for loyalty, or autonomy?

Everyone of us has grown up in a relational culture. First our home, then perhaps school, our extended families and social groups, and then the wider political, economic and social system that we live in. The narratives which weave into our beings from these settings form the basis for how we look at all of our relationships.

What messages did you grow up with? Was it that relationships are at the centre of our life, or that they come second or sit on the outer? If it was the former, then you would hold the belief that relationships are at the heart of life. You can relax, and enjoy the process as it is in your knowingness that you will have the support you need when you need it. If it is the latter, then you are likely to think that relationships are secondary, because you are at the centre, and that in the end, you can only rely on yourself. You are more likely to do everything by yourself.

As far as my experience goes, relationships are at the nucleus of evolving ways of being - from both a personal, and professional lens. This is not to be confused with the fact that it is our role on the journey of life that we take radical self-responsibility towards our wellbeing and vitality, as this is what then flows over to the quality of our relationships.

Once you've answered if you were raised for loyalty or autonomy, I invite you to contemplate if you have seen this translate to your work, to the friends you have, or to the people that you know? How do you treat society as a whole? Has this been influenced by where you have lived? Where you have grown up? And who you choose to surround yourself by?

Written with love and a smile,
Natasha x